The Epehmeral Fall

"You expected to be sad in the fall. Part of you died each year when leaves fell from the trees and their branches were bare against the wind and the cold, wintry light. But you knew there would always be the spring, as you knew the river would flow again after it was frozen. " ~ Earnest Hemingway

Hello my dears. It's been a long time since I last visited this place. I've been feeling this pulsing in my heart to open up this page and see what had been left to season, my.....how wonderful. And what a gift. I'd forgotten how much I loved being here and how much I loved putting my thoughts in one place to be seen, to be felt, to be heard. If not by anyone else but me. 

It's been a few seasons since my last blog post. We've seen the end of winter, spring, and summer and now we are peeking around the corner to winter again. This Autumn we are currently in has seemed to pass by so quickly. It's November, it's cold now and there is snow. 

We have seen the harvest come and go; trees, vegetables, chickens, hogs. Our woodpile is bulging at the seams ahead of time (a new thing for us!!). Time has eluded us, as always, but we've managed to sneak in some really beautiful and life-giving moments. 

Breathtaking rock walls have been built that will withstand a century's time or more. I'm finding these walls to be a symbol, an emblem of where Lee and I are as human beings walking this journey together. This last year was hard on us, our tests many, mostly failed, and we walked away from each other many times. We found ourselves in a place that was so unfamiliar that neither one of us had the tools in our tool boxes to mend what was broken. We tried, Heaven knows we did. Most days we looked at each other and swore the other was as unfamiliar as the journey we were on. It was heartbreaking.

Having that as our experience, I can tell you this...... it wasn't all for naught. We made it through one of the darkest years of our decade together and came out the other side able to express our adoration and gratitude for the other more in than we'd been able to in years. But we KNEW it! We FELT it for the first time. Simultaneously, we experienced the genuine and unique love that we held in our hearts always, but now we could express it and feel it. We could look at each other and feel that old familiar flame, if you will. We're smiling. We're laughing. We're holding hands. We're thinking about dating each other and what we can do to remind the other that we are present, committed, here because we want to be, and because we are deeply and zealously in love with the other. I'm envisioning our love like a stone wall. One that has been meticulously built with strong and mighty bodies and eagle eyes seeking the perfect stone to strengthen the foundation. I imagine that our wall travels like the snake; curving, fluid, and flowing gracefully around each obstacle that may be in it's path. Our wall is grand and pronounced, it can be seen for miles. Our wall is a landmark. Our wall represents the kind of love that lasts through lifetime after lifetime, the kind our great-great-grandchildren will remember for all the stories of the trials and tribulations but overcome by celebration and adoration. 

And as fleeting as this year has been, it has been as full as they come; babies and children growing wild and free, businesses thriving, abundant gardens, micro-vacations, adventures to new places, a child off to school, saying good-bye to loved ones, holding on and caring for dear ones who are sick, building up and growing within our community, baking, creating, celebrating.

As the winter grows nigh, I'm left with the resonating message in the quote above:

"But you knew there would always be the spring, as you knew the river would flow again after it was frozen"

and I carry with me the warmth of the love that is shared within our family hearth. 

Blessings on your journey, friends. I look forward to keeping this fire going and enjoying my time in this space with all of you. 

~ Marcy